Dating is tough…that’s no shocker. Trying to find the right thing to say can leave you feeling stressed and frustrated. But that doesn’t mean you should just talk about anything and everything. If you really like a person and you decide you want to get to know them better, here are six things to NEVER talk about on your first date. That is unless you’re okay with never seeing that person again and being referred to by him as a miserable conversationalist who is completely un-datable.
#1: Nothing but yourself. Others love it when you’re curious about them and show an interest in giving them attention. So don’t make it all about you. Show that you are genuinely interested in your date and ask lots of questions. Be sure to actively listen and engage in the conversation, giving your respectful opinions and meaningful feedback. Don’t worry, there are plenty of topics to discuss…well, anything except what’s included in the next five steps.
#2: Anything negative. If you don’t want to completely kill the mood and put a depressing spin on what should be a light-hearted and happy first date, be aware that no one wants to hear your tragic tales and sob stories. On a first date, people are looking for signs that show you’re a secure, stable and happy person, not an emotional train wreck who is one nervous breakdown away from a trip to the loony bin. Remember, positivity attracts positivity.
#3: Marriage. It doesn’t matter if you’re ready to parade down the aisle tomorrow and have every detail of your wedding reception planned right down to the place settings; if you ever want your dream wedding to actually take place do not bring it up on your first date. Feelings need to grow and you must wait until you are in a serious, committed relationship that is heading in the direction of a chapel before you even mention the words “Vera Wang.” The point of a first date is to go out and have fun with someone to see if they’re cool enough to hang out with again…then see where it goes.
#4: The ex. We all have them. And for the most part they all suck. So why bring up your ex? If you talk about your past relationships on a first date with someone new and exciting, it will only signal to them that you still have feelings invested in the past and aren’t ready to move forward. If that’s the case, you shouldn’t be on the date—take some time to heal before you put yourself out there again. No one wants to feel irrelevant, which is what will happen if you make this mistake, so show your date that you are focused on him and not on others who came before him.
#5: Sex. Sure it might be on your mind but if you bring up sex you are doing nothing but initiating your own demise. When you talk about your sexual prowess or past conquests, in most cases it will be a huge turn off for your date and you shouldn’t expect to get lucky at the end of the night. Should the two of you hit it off and decide to explore the idea of a serious relationship down the road, there will be plenty of time and better opportunities to cover the subject.
#6: Money. Whatever your situation is, whether you’re rolling in the dough or if the date you’re on is going to overdraw your bank account, do not bring up money. Sure there are some money hungry people out there, but for the most part, the ones interested in you for the right reasons will be unimpressed when you brag about how much your bonus was this month. If they really are interested in you as a match, then they will care less about your bank account and more about your winning personality!
If you’re a woman who has decided to try out the internet in the hopes of finding a potential match, it can provide you a great platform for doing so. Unfortunately though, there are some dangers that come along with using this method of dating. With the anonymity allowed by the internet, you never know if that cute investment banker with the golden retriever you’ve been chatting up is really who he says he is…or if he’s actually unemployed, living in his mother’s basement, watching The Silence of the Lambs, and taking extensive notes.
So to maintain the highest level of emotional and physical safety, be sure to check out the following tips on how to make online dating a safe and successful experience:
Tip #1: Keep personal info to yourself. This may sound like an obvious one, but it’s so important that it’s number one on the list and it shouldn’t be forgotten! When creating your username, profile, as well as through communications with online guys, never give out anything that could identify you from the next person. This includes your home address, where you work, phone number, personal email, last name and financial info. Not until you feel 100% certain that your online friend is trustworthy should you disclose these items.
Tip #2: Take it slow. You might think you’re really “clicking” with a guy over a few emails and you’re probably anxious to meet him right away…but your safest bet is to not rush into a meeting. Use the tools provided to you by your online dating service to communicate until you get to know him better. Most cyber dating relationships will develop over the internet for an average of about three weeks before an in-person meeting takes place. Use this time-frame as an example but if you feel that you need longer to get to know him, by all means take your time.
Tip #3: Plan a safe first date. When you get to a point where you feel comfortable communicating online with your match, you’re probably ready to meet the guy face-to-face. The first date can be a very thrilling experience, but it important that you not sacrifice your safety for fun. Follow these steps and you’ll greatly decrease the risk of finding yourself in a dangerous situation:
- Choose a crowded, public place, to meet. Never rely on your date for transportation—always meet them.
- Let a friend or family member know where you are going and the name of the guy taking you out. Be sure to keep your cell phone handy and call this friend or family member after the date to let them know you are safe.
- Consider going on a double date with another couple you know. Not only will you feel safer, but this also minimizes some of the nerves or awkwardness that comes along with a first date.
- Think about going “Dutch” and paying your own way—some men get the idea that you owe them something when they take care of your tab.
- Remain aware of your surroundings and hold on to your belongings—especially your drink. To be in complete control, forgo the alcohol for the first few meetings.
Tip #4: Watch for red flags. If at any point during your interaction with an online match you feel that something isn’t right, it is best to listen to your gut. Keep an eye out for inconsistencies in his stories or behavior that could be warning signs of a scammer, cheater or a sexual predator. If someone is making you uncomfortable online or out on a date, end things immediately and get to a safe place. Safety is your number one priority and anyone dating you should respect and understand your precautions.
For all of you online daters out there, you know the quest for love can be a bit trying sometimes. Now factor in that there are actually fake profiles on dating websites and you might be ready to cancel your membership. But before you compose a strongly worded email to Match.com, be sure to read the following info on fake dating profiles so you know what they are and how to spot them.
Why are there fakes? You may come across a faux dating profile for a number of reasons. For the most part, these “people” who create fake singles do it to solicit business, money, or just for the mere, twisted sake of hurting others.
-
Online dating sites. The business of online dating is just that: business. And it’s a big one. With the oversaturated amount of online dating services vying for the money of singles looking for love, sometimes these companies do whatever it takes to recruit and maintain members who will dish out the dough. A lot of smaller dating sites don’t have the big advertising bucks that the large ones do, so many of them unscrupulously create fake profiles. In doing this they are able to populate their community so that it is overflowing with hot singles, luring you to be a part of their site.
Think about this: Would you want to join a dating site that didn’t have a large selection of singles for you to browse through? Wouldn’t you rather be a part of one that had thousands upon thousands of singles for you to choose from, such as Russian women, cougars, and models? You most likely answered yes to the latter. That’s how the dating sites see it too.
-
Financial scammers. Another far more serious reason fake profiles exist is to attract the attention of people who might be vulnerable to an attack by an online scammer. These con artists will sign up to dating sites, create fake profiles complete with fake pictures and fake information to develop relationships and then prey upon their victims vulnerabilities—all to get a hold of their wallets.
-
Spammers. Spammers use dating sites to advertise their products or services. Many companies like escort services or porn sites will misuse online dating services to gain more customers—they create fake profiles with very attractive people with the hopes of attracting real online daters who will in turn give the companies their business.
How to spot a fake. Now that you know the reasons for fake profiles, check out what you can do to avoid them:
-
Be aware of the dating service. While fake profiles can exist on any website, the chances of you stumbling upon them on a major dating site that you pay to use are less likely than when you sign up with a new, less popular or free dating site.
-
Too good to be true. When checking out cyber singles, try not to get too excited when you find someone with a picture that looks like it should be a centerfold shot. Of course there are plenty of attractive men and women on dating sties, but there’s a good chance that you could find that same picture if you were just to search Google images of “hot girl.” Many fake profiles are set up with pictures of models or other genetically gifted freaks in order to attract you to the services of the particular site you’re using—hey, we’d all like to join a dating site that’s chalk full of supermodels!
-
Not sufficient info. Does the profile sound like it was written by some sort of online dating robot? If you find a profile that doesn’t have enough information on their bio, it doesn’t mean that it is fake, but there’s the chance that it could be. Even if it’s real, it is really worth your time to pursue someone who didn’t make the effort in the simple step of setting up an online dating profile? Next!
-
Advertisements. Some companies who are trying to sell their product or service will create a fake profile on a dating service. Let’s say if the company is selling some sort of diet pill they may post a profile picture of a very fit individual who talks a lot about the specific pills and products they use to maintain such a physique. Red flag—this “person” may have motives other than dating.
-
Catches. Some phony internet profiles can be spotted if you recognize their catch. This is when companies or people create fake dating profiles with a catch being that you have to visit a certain website (where they are selling a product or service) to carry on conversation with them…or it can even be blatant fraud where they are asking you for money or personal information—whatever you do, don’t fall for this!
-
Expiring membership. Potential matches you’re in communication with before actually joining a dating site might tell you that their profile will be expiring soon and that you will have to chat with them outside of the site. Most likely this is a dating site that has created their own fake single to capture your business—once they have you baited and reeled in, then the profile disappears.
For the most part, the majority of people signed up to online dating sites are just like you. Honest and decent souls looking for love. However, there are also those out there who don’t have the right intentions. And I’m not just talking about those creeps sitting on their computers with a spouse and kids in the next room. Recently, many online daters have fallen victim to romance scams. Great news, right? Now not only do you have to watch out for your precious, fragile heart, but you have to watch out for your wallet as well.
Anatomy of a Romance Scam:
So you may be wondering, “What exactly is a romance scam?” This lovely little treat is a con involving false romantic communication with a victim, usually via the medium of online dating sites. Through claims of “undying love and devotion” with flowers and poetry, the orchestrators of these scams gain their victim’s affection and seek out their vulnerable qualities; then they strike. Using tales of family tragedies, medical problems, and other hardships, the schemers will ask their victims to send money to help them in their time of financial crisis. The kind of fraud typically involved with a romance scam includes access to the victim’s money, bank accounts, credit cards, passports, email accounts, and other personal identification or financial information. The con artists responsible for these acts target individuals through online dating websites, usually as a part of a wider money laundering operation.
Profile of a Real-Life Victim:
Take online-dater Laura for example. Laura was fresh off the tails of a nasty divorce and with some encouragement from her friends and in an attempt to try her luck on the web, she joined a popular online dating site. In her quest for cyber love, Laura happened to strike up a connection with a man with devastating good looks (according to the picture on his online dating profile) and they quickly began exchanging emails. Before long, Laura was swept off her feet by this man and his messages professing his love and promising her the world….if only he could just get to her. You see, this dreamboat claimed to be a US citizen who was stuck overseas working on a new business venture in Nigeria. With his smooth-talking ways and charm (all scripted material), this man explained that he needed to tie up a few loose ends with his business in order to travel back home. So Laura adhered to his request for funds and transferred $3,000 into her online lover’s bank account. She then chilled champagne, filled every room with roses and waited for her man to arrive at her doorstep. This may come as a shock, but the guy never showed.
Unfortunately, these romance scams are happening more and more frequently. It may seem like you are on your way to a new romance, but if you experience any of the signs or strange behavior that Laura did, proceed with caution. When it comes to online dating, you should never be required to give money to someone. If that should happen, cut off all communication and report the scammer to the dating website; they will aggressively take action. Remember that when something sounds too good to be true, it usually is.
Signs to Watch Out For:
Are you involved in a potential romance scam? If a scammer is trying to pull a fast one over on you, here are some common factors in which to look for:
- You’ve never met face to face
- Correspondent’s profile picture looks like a model out of a magazine
- Love is professed at warp speed
- You receive flowers and other gifts right away
- Correspondent uses atrocious spelling and grammar that does not align with their alleged education level or career
- Correspondent claim to be from the US but is overseas working, often times in Nigeria
- You are asked to give this person money for issues surrounding family emergencies, medical problems, business affairs, etc.
- Correspondent continually asks for money, but never visits
Meeting someone for the first time is nerve wracking enough. One way to make it a little easier on yourself is to conduct your own background check before you even meet. Is this judgmental? Maybe, but in this day and age, you’re entitled to get a few pointers on who this person is and where they come from before committing to a date. Remember should you find things out about a person and still choose to go on a date with him or her, refrain from bringing up that you were a detective in a former life. This may just flip the tables and make you look like the weird one.
-
Google Hey, it’s basic, but it works and it’s free. There’s no doubt that your first public database for finding info on your blind date is Google. Everyone is Googl-ing people they know (or those they don’t know), so feel free to Google your companion’s name and go to town finding their Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. Remember that some names are common, so just because you find a person’s profile doesn’t exactly mean it’s the person you’re looking for. Be careful when using Google because you may end finding more than you planned, especially when it comes to tags on Facebook.
-
ZabaSearch This public database allows you to search people by name and phone number. If you start chatting with someone online and that conversation moves to the phone, ZabaSearch will come in handy to see who the person on the other end of the line truly is. It will also give you insight on whether this person uses a phone connected to their parents or worse, their spouse. The bulk of the info on this site is free, but verifying email addresses does require a small fee.
-
Switchboard If you have a person’s first and last name, you can use Switchboard to find their phone number. After having their phone number, you can go to other public databases that show information based on a phone number. In some cases, you can find a person’s address, as well as the residential history of that person based on a phone number. This may be beneficial when getting to know a blind date to make sure the history they’re telling you adds up with the facts.
-
ZoomInfo ZoomInfo is a paid service, but it does the bulk of the work for you. Unlike using Google, which can sometimes bring back a lot of information you don’t need or information that’s irrelevant, ZoomInfo brings in people-related data only. This is helpful for those who are cramped for time or aren’t pros when it comes to search engines.
-
LinkedIn Most professionals use LinkedIn to have some control over their online persona. In a world where many people can share the same name, this means you don’t want a potential employer to mix you up with another person downing a 40 on pictures posted on Facebook. To gain control of their online image, many professionals create a LinkedIn profile, stating their education and employment history. If you’ve been chatting with someone for awhile and they’re presenting themself as a high-powered professional with an impressive academic career, this should be your first stop to see if it’s true. While information on LinkedIn isn’t necessarily official, those who are on it have typically done so to network for work, not snag a date.
-
Yahoo! People Search We love this public data base because it allows for email searches too. Depending on how you meet your blind date, searching his or her email address may come in handy. If you find out the person has opened the email account under a different name, it could be a sign this person is attached and probably not worth your time. You can also search people by name, address or phone number, should you have any of that information.
-
Family Watch Dog A simple search of a name tells you if your potential date is a registered sex offender. Because of parole officers, the vast majority of sex offenders must register their names. As long as they are a registered sex offender in your state and have not taken on a new name or persona (in which case, you have bigger fish to fry), the person’s name and address will pull up what he or she was convicted of and how much time they served.
No matter how or where you meet your blind date, never assume anything. Just because you’re being introduce by a co-worker or on a Christian dating site doesn’t guarantee the person is an upstanding citizen. Keep an open mind when going on this hunt. After all, you don’t want to jump to any conclusions about a person, but you also want to protect yourself. If the idea of dating someone with a misdemeanor from parking tickets makes your stomach flip, you may be better off meeting someone the old-fashioned way (and even then, you can’t be sure he or she is of impeccable moral fiber).
The best dating sites for men give you options. For men, a specialized dating site can work best. Men may be interested in a certain type of partner, which is essential for feeling connected and having sexual chemistry with a potential date. To get rid of the song and dance of finding this partner on a general dating site, men should search for sites aimed at their particular knack. This may be Christian women, plus size women or other men. Whatever your interest is, it’s likely there’s a dating site for you that fits the bill.
Men with high profile jobs that put them on the web will appreciate a site with anonymity. There’s no reason to reveal too much of yourself right off the bat. A simple Google search will reveal a lot about you. If you want to refrain from a potential date seeing your frat pictures your buddy from 10 years ago posted on Facebook, refrain from sharing your real name and any other personal information. The best dating sites keep your safety in mind, which filters the quality of people who participate at a particular site.
Men are typically less comfortable with dating than women. Let’s face it – women hold the cards. With online dating, men may feel intimidated. There are many smart, successful women who don’t have time to date the conventional way and will engage in online dating for a few weeks or months before allocating time for an actual date. Men should seek out a dating site with easy applications that removes the stress of dating.
Pretty soon you’ll get the hang of instant messaging and direct messaging a potential mate. You don’t want to be too aggressive, but the best dating sites have numerous applications that allow you to interact with people in different ways. A nudge or poke may show a mate you notice him or her. A direct message shows you’re interested in getting to know the person and by the time you’re IM-ing, your potential date will know you’re willing to share things about yourself too.
Men will also benefit from an online dating site with a chat room. This allows you to feel out the people on the site. Think of it as a cyber group date. These chat rooms aren’t usually geared towards sex (unless a particular kink or fetish is the purpose of the site), so you don’t have to feel like you have to make a move. Just be yourself, get to know people and see if there’s anyone you hit it off with. For those who are having trouble taking the first step contacting a match, a chat room application allows you to get to know people without making a big move.
The best dating sites for women protect their safety. The best dating sites have an anonymity that protects women and allows them to keep their personal information to themselves. Dating sites know that women have to feel safe in order to continue to use their services, so the best dating sites for women will go above and beyond to ensure this message is clear.
Some of the best online dating sites for women offer chat rooms. This removes the pressure of one-on-one interaction. Some women may want to get to know a partner on their own, but others may be more comfortable in a group setting. These chat rooms are not sexual, unless that’s the intention of the site. Don’t get too nervous! Think of chat rooms more as a group date or a mixer, where you can interact and mingle with several potential mates in one place.
Everyone who enters the world of online dating wants a site that’s easy to navigate. The best dating sites for women implement several applications and easy interface that lets you get around the site without missing a beat. You should never have to spend a lot of time learning how to use a dating site. It should be fairly easy, even for those with limited computer experience.
The best dating sites for women can be general dating sites because women tend to draw plenty of profile hits regardless of the site’s demographic. If you’re a women looking for a person who falls into a particular category, it may be best for you to sign up at a dating site that caters to that demographic. Regardless, women have the advantage in dating and this carries over into online dating too. Women should see who they connect with to mix up the typical partner they’re accustomed to dating. That’s the great think about online dating! You may end up with a strong connection with someone you typically would not have come across when dating traditional ways.
Usually it’s paid online dating sites that are best for women. Free online dating sites can often bring in a low quality pool of potential dates. Most women aren’t perusing online dating sites for a mere hook-up. The majority are looking to get to know potential partners that could develop into actual romantic relationships. Free online dating sites don’t always attract someone who fits this description, so it’s important for women to understand you get what you pay for when it comes to online dating.
The best free online dating sites have similarities. There’s nothing wrong with a general site that lets you cruise singles in your area, but the best free online dating sites are still about quality. Finding a mate on a free online dating is possible because of the sheer volume of people who gravitate towards something that’s free. Often, this gives people a way of feeling out the online dating world without any serious commitment.
The best free online dating sites keep users anonymous. Eventually, you may reveal more about yourself, but in the beginning it’s important to keep the conversation light and see if you have anything in common with your connection. There’s nothing wrong with declining someone because you simply aren’t feeling chemistry with them. That’s the world of dating in general and online daters are well acquainted with recognizing a match through IMs and private messaging.
Instant and private or direct messaging are essential for the best free online dating sites. You want to start with a few messages here and there, and progress to communicating in real time. This is where you’ll see your potential partner shine or you’ll see him or her shy away. It may be the same story for you. Interacting with someone in real time via IM is kind of like a mini date. It isn’t anywhere near as intimate (after all, you’re in different places), but it does cultivate the feel of the relationship and what it could become. If you’re looking for a long term relationship, you want these applications to give you options on getting to know someone.
All of these applications should be easy to understand and navigate. You want the site to be simple to use so you can get to the good stuff and have fun with online dating. There’s nothing fun about having a hard time getting around a site or putting applications to use in an attempt to make a connection. You’ll see what site best works for you after you start using it a bit. For this reason, it’s smart to sign up for multiple free dating sites to see what’s out there in terms of applications and utilize the one that you’re most comfortable with.
The best free online dating sites have a certain person in mind. This may be a religion, race or sexual preference. There’s something that brings users to this site aside from it being an online dating site. This is great for those who want to zero in on a certain type and go from there. The best free online dating sites know that bringing together people who are interested in select things gives these people plenty of options in selecting a potential date.
There are many free dating websites. If you aren’t sure how to navigate the world of online dating, trying free dating sites may help you learn the ropes. This way you get a feel for how online dating works. If the free online dating sites don’t end up pooling the quality of partner you want, you can always move on to a paid site. By then you’ll know what mistakes to avoid and how to create a stellar online dating profile.
Though they’re free, any dating website worth using should off anonymity due to safety precautions. Remember to keep your private information private. This means your real name, your job and where you live should stay private until you’re well acquainted with your potential date. None of this should be revealed online during chat sessions, nor should they be posted on your profile. You have to keep yourself safe. Yes, you want to meet someone, but you never want to endanger yourself or anyone you live with by revealing too much too soon. The best online dating sites offer anonymity that allows users to slowly get to know each other on their terms.
Check out the layout of the profiles and make the most of your online dating profile. You have to reel people in with a single glance at your page. This isn’t easy and most free dating services don’t match you with people because you match yourself according to what you see. This is something to remember when going the free dating website route.
Consider what you think is most important when perusing someone’s online dating profile. You want to display an attractive (but not deceiving) image of yourself, along with a few fun facts. You may want to talk about the things that are most important to you. Remember what you put out there will attract people interested in the things mentioned. If you talk about golf as a hobby, don’t be surprised if you end up with golf aficionados in your inbox. A free dating website should allow your profile to be interesting, attractive and easy to read so users don’t just skip over the site because it’s difficult to navigate.
The site should be easy to use. There’s no need for a dating site to be complicated when it comes to using the applications. It should be self-explanatory for the most part with a help section that’s easy to find and read should you run into any problems. The easier a site is to use, the more people will use it. The more people who use it, the more likely you are to make a match. After all, it’s all a number games when it comes to modern dating.